My husband and I will celebrate our eighth wedding anniversary next month, and the one thing he always says is that “we are together because we choose to be.” He says it all the time, but I didn’t really think about what he truly meant until we were watching an episode of Married at First Sight. For those who don’t know, Married at First Sight is a show that marries people blindly based on a battery of tests and interviews conducted by experts. Yup, arranged marriages in the 21st century here in the good ol’ USA all caught on camera for reality TV of course. Anywho, the Mister and I are very intrigued by the show. The couples have six weeks to decide if they will remain married to each other after the experiment is over. One of the experts on the show is Pastor Calvin Roberson. And it was during an episode midway through season 4 that Pastor Roberson uttered the truest words we’ve ever heard about marriage:
“Marriage isn’t for punks.”
This right here is the absolute truth. Marriage is not for punks. If I was a punk, I would be divorced by now because “til death do us part” is hard as hell.
Disclaimer: If your marriage is abusive or infidelity is an issue that is beyond “…for worse,” you are not a punk for leaving. You are stronger than most because leaving an abuser or a cheater that you love dearly takes an insurmountable amount of courage. Kudos to you.
Now back to the regularly scheduled program.
Anyone who is thinking or fantasizing about walking down the aisle and getting married, needs to take heed to these words of wisdom. Marriage ain’t for punks. If you are weak, selfish, shallow, afraid of conflict, afraid to communicate, or afraid of someone telling you about yourself then marriage is not for you because you are a punk. If your idea of marriage comes from what you see posted on social media or in a movie, then marriage probably isn’t for you just yet. And ladies if you think that every night is going to be full of hot, passionate love making with rose petals leading to the bedroom, think again. Some nights you’ll have an attitude because you’ll be woken out of a wonderful snooze fest for a quickie after he comes home from hanging with the fellas. Marriage is about serving the other person even when you do not feel like it.
Everyday that I get up I chose to be a faithful, loving wife to my husband. Some days the choice is easy. Some days I am forced to remember the commitment we made to each other before God and family on Black Friday 2009 because he can get on my nerves. And I am not afraid to admit that I get on his, but since this is my blog I don’t have to tell y’all about my crazy right now, lol! We are two people who came together after living decades apart. We grew up in similar yet different households. We handled problems differently. We budgeted differently. We cleaned house differently. We are two people with different experiences who fell in love and decided to spend the rest of our lives together for better or worse, in sickness & in health, for richer or poorer, ’til death do us part. That ain’t easy. There’s a reason there are so many divorces for irreconcilable differences.
However, if you choose to be married, you must make the choice to communicate, talk about money, respect your spouse’s point of view, be humble when you’re wrong, be confident in yourself, remember to be an individual within the union, be a teammate, and shut up. Everyday you must make these commitments over and over again. It is easy to become frustrated and shut down. It is easy to become so wrapped up in your spouse that you lose yourself. It is easy to be petty and pissed off at something stupid. A failed marriage is easy; it’s the successful, long-lasting marriages that require work from both parties. The question is are you willing to do the work to get the results that you want?
~Selah
