My F.U.P.A. is a Fibroid

My uterus is under attack. This is me every month:

via Giphy

I don’t know exactly when this fibroid initially began to take over my uterus. I had been on birth control pills for a gazillion years up until September of 2016 when I developed a DVT aka a blood clot in my right calf. So I traded my oral contraceptive for blood thinners which caused me to have the menstrual cycle from hell, or at least I thought they did. Could it have been that my uterus was already under attack by the fibroid? I don’t know because I was about 50 pounds heavier, and to me, that lower belly pooch was nothing more than my F.U.P.A. In the spring of 2017, I went to my gynecologist, and she noticed the fibroid. At that time she didn’t order an ultrasound because we really did not know the extent to which it was bothering me. Remember, my body had either been doped up on contraceptives or anti-coagulants up to that point, so what was normal menstrual behavior was unknown. I left the doctor with a new method of contraception and pushed the fibroid to the back of my mind.

WEIGHT LOSS REVELATION

In the summer of 2017, I decided to take back my health and fitness and joined Weight Watchers and started going back to the gym. This was not my first time on this weight loss journey, but I decided that this would be the last time I started over. I began working out three to five days a week and tracking what I was eating. Unlike years past, I didn’t allow myself to fall completely off the bandwagon when I had a cheat meal or two. I had begun to develop discipline and consistency that was allowing me to see steady, sustainable weight loss. By the spring of 2018, I decided that I was over my new form of birth control because I started to have the worst cramps ever. Therefore, I made an appointment with my doctor to remove the IUD and just let my body be natural. By then, I was probably about 30 pounds into my weight loss journey. At this appointment, my doctor felt the fibroid again and told me to monitor my symptoms during my cycle over the next few months to determine if my fibroid was actually interfering with my life. If indeed it was, we could decide what the next steps would be during my annual exam that summer.

I returned to my beloved OB/GYN on July 31, 2018. I was 40 pounds lighter than when I started my journey the previous June. I was extremely more fit and toned than I had been during my visit that spring which made the ten pound difference seem much more significant.

“Hey, skinny,” my doctor greeted me. We chatted for a bit and then she began to conduct her exam. It was then that she realized how massive the invader in my uterus was.

“Your stomach is flat. This fibroid though…”

Working out as much as I do, I always wondered why I could never lose my lower pooch. However, it was clear to the touch and the eye that I was not dealing with stubborn belly fat at all. There was a hard mass sitting smack dab in the middle of my uterus that was making me look slightly preggo.

via Giphy

The good doctor gave me a script for a transvaginal ultrasound, and I called to schedule the appointment at the hospital she’s affiliated with. I had my ultrasound about a month later because the odds of scheduling an appointment within one to two weeks are the same as winning the Mega Millions. The ultrasound tech had to work hard for her coins that day because the fibroid was pushing my ovaries far to each side. I knew then that we were dealing with something major.

courtesy of my OB/GYN

Three weeks later I was back at my gynecologist’s office waiting to hear about the size of this fibroid that I could now see poking out whether I was standing up or laying down. This is when I found out the size of this fibroid. Eleven centimeters. Eleven centimeters smack dab in the middle of my uterus. The average uterus is about six centimeters. Mine is about eighteen centimeters. It’s like I’m five months pregnant, but I’m not.

“This is why you haven’t gotten pregnant while not being on any birth control,” the good doctor said.

“So what do you want to do? It’s too big to go in laparoscopically, so we would have to perform a myomectomy. It’s a c-section cut at the bikini line and it’s about 4-6 weeks recovery time. I don’t want to perform a hysterectomy if I don’t have to because you’re still young and could decide to have a baby. Come back in a month and let me know what you want to do. “

via Giphy

THE DECISION

A month later after having another wonderful experience during my cycle, I went back and told her that we’d have the myomectomy in February. I was going to wait until the summer, but why would I do that? Who wants to experience horrendous menstrual cycles if they don’t have to? Who wants to be on the sick & shut-in list during the summer? Not I.

So here we are in February of 2019 a few days out from my actual surgery. My FMLA paperwork has been filed. My husband is preparing the den as my recovery space. My mom has submitted her FMLA paperwork so she can be my nurse; I should really get a bell, LOL! I’m wrapping things up at work and having one of my teachers shadow me so that she can serve as interim in my absence. I’ve been slowly removing things from my diet that some say contribute to uterine fibroids. I’ve been getting in as many workouts as possible because I won’t be able to work out for a while after my surgery. My Netflix list and DVR are full of shows for my viewing pleasure. I’m doing everything and asking every question possible to put my mind at ease because I have not had to stay in the hospital since I was 10 years old.

Although I am anxious about going under the knife, I am looking forward to having this invader out of my uterus. Having talked to multiple women who have had the procedure themselves, I hear it is life changing.

Keep me all in your thoughts and prayers, and I will keep you all posted on the recovery process.

Continue Reading

Consistency: My Fair-weather Friend

Photo by Ted C.

Photo by Ted C. 

I have been in an on and off again relationship with consistency when it comes to two things since 2002:  leading a healthy and fit lifestyle and writing.

Let’s examine my dysfunctional, inconsistent relationship with health and fitness that I am currently in the process of repairing.  Since 2002 I have been a member of six gyms: two private and three franchises.  I am currently a member of LA Fitness.  I have also tried almost every diet/eating lifestyle to be named: vegan, vegetarian, pescetarian, no beef or pork, no carbs after 7p.m., and Paleo.  I am currently on my third go round with Weight Watchers.  Over the course of fifteen years, I have lost and regained the same 45-50lbs.  I lost weight every time I allowed myself to be a part of the ménage with diet and exercise.  This threesome worked EVERY TIME regardless of what diet I followed!  Despite success, I always found myself quitting because I had a cheat meal, cheat day, or even a cheat week especially when I didn’t give 100% on the fitness side.  I’d quit cold turkey like someone who’s ability to quit smoking cigarettes or watching porn was a matter of life or death.  I’d quit what I was doing even though it was beneficial to my health, self-esteem, snatched waistline, you name it*.  This led to the abyss of Hot Cheetos, Slurpees, pizza and chilling on the couch until I had an epiphany.  Do you know how many epiphanies I’ve had about getting back in the gym and eating better?  Like really, it’s quite ridiculous.  I had my most recent epiphany somewhere right after Memorial Day; I started working out again in the beginning of June.  In regards to eating, I was trying to do the Paleo/low-carb thing, but I just couldn’t.  If I feel like I can’t have something, I’ll want it more. Therefore, I’m back on Weight Watchers. So far so good.

Besides being the fittest version of myself, one of my goals is to write a book.  That’s wonderful you say.  It would be wonderful if I could sit down and finish one of the four books I’ve started. That’s correct; I’ve started FOUR books. Let that sink in.  The only one I have an excuse for not finishing is my first novel because my laptop was stolen back in 2007 which is where the manuscript was saved.  I was even in a writing critique group for the second book, and two of the ladies from the group are currently published authors!  Me? Nah. I’ve just been out here binge watching shows that some focused writer took the time to share with the world all while eating my chips and thinking man, why didn’t I write this?  Well, we know the answer to that.  If I had set aside dedicated writing time, maybe I would be watching my own show on TV or taking pictures with Auntie O as she tells the world about my book.  If only I was consistently putting all the stories in my head  on paper or my Google Drive<MAJOR SIDE EYE TO MYSELF>.

Consistency will stab you in the back if you betray her.  She is the one we love to hate.  We love her because she causes us to achieve our goals and pushes us towards success after success**. We hate her  because she causes us to become disciplined and with discipline comes sacrifice of things or people that we may have become accustomed to being in our lives.  If we betray her awesomeness, she will slap us with a complacent, unfulfilled life of fatassedness*** and wasted potential.  I know that may be a bit dramatic but that is where I will end up if I don’t get my act together and show consistency the respect she deserves.

Part of the reason for this post and this blog in general is to work on my consistency.  I am great at starting a lot of stuff.  The consistency and discipline to finish what I start is what I am working towards improving.

I know that I am not the only one out there who has betrayed consistency at some point in time.  It may not have been with an order of chili cheese fries, but maybe it was with seventeen shows on Netflix, a bottle of wine, a car, him or her.  Ask yourself if that person or thing is worth it?  That’s the million dollar question.  I can tell you that there is not one bacon cheeseburger, slice of pizza or cupcake that is worth my goals.  It is really up to me to do everything in my power to achieve my fitness and writing goals.  All I have to do is be consistent.  I don’t think that’s too much to ask of myself.

~Selah

 

*You name itEvery time I proofread this piece, I couldn’t help but sing that part in my best Shirley Caesar voice.  Sad.

**Disclaimer:  If you are someone who is consistently an a&*hole, unreliable, or lazy, none of the success that comes with consistency applies to you.  Carry on.

***Fatassedness: I thought I was the only one who used this word.  However, it was defined on UrbanDictionary.com as “fatty ass, being fat” by Judy in December of 2004. Yay, Judy!

 

 

 

 

Continue Reading