life – NICOLE S. ARNOLD

My husband and I will celebrate our eighth wedding anniversary next month, and the one thing he always says is that “we are together because we choose to be.” He says it all the time, but I didn’t really think about what he truly meant until we were watching an episode of Married at First Sight. For those who don’t know, Married at First Sight is a show that marries people blindly based on a battery of tests and interviews conducted by experts. Yup, arranged marriages in the 21st century here in the good ol’ USA all caught on camera for reality TV of course. Anywho, the Mister and I are very intrigued by the show. The couples have six weeks to decide if they will remain married to each other after the experiment is over. One of the experts on the show is Pastor Calvin Roberson. And it was during an episode midway through season 4 that Pastor Roberson uttered the truest words we’ve ever heard about marriage:

“Marriage isn’t for punks.”

via Giphy

This right here is the absolute truth. Marriage is not for punks. If I was a punk, I would be divorced by now because “til death do us part” is hard as hell.

Disclaimer: If your marriage is abusive or infidelity is an issue that is beyond “…for worse,” you are not a punk for leaving. You are stronger than most because leaving an abuser or a cheater that you love dearly takes an insurmountable amount of courage. Kudos to you.

Now back to the regularly scheduled program.

Anyone who is thinking or fantasizing about walking down the aisle and getting married, needs to take heed to these words of wisdom. Marriage ain’t for punks. If you are weak, selfish, shallow, afraid of conflict, afraid to communicate, or afraid of someone telling you about yourself then marriage is not for you because you are a punk. If your idea of marriage comes from what you see posted on social media or in a movie, then marriage probably isn’t for you just yet. And ladies if you think that every night is going to be full of hot, passionate love making with rose petals leading to the bedroom, think again. Some nights you’ll have an attitude because you’ll be woken out of a wonderful snooze fest for a quickie after he comes home from hanging with the fellas. Marriage is about serving the other person even when you do not feel like it.

via GIPHY

Everyday that I get up I chose to be a faithful, loving wife to my husband. Some days the choice is easy. Some days I am forced to remember the commitment we made to each other before God and family on Black Friday 2009 because he can get on my nerves. And I am not afraid to admit that I get on his, but since this is my blog I don’t have to tell y’all about my crazy right now, lol! We are two people who came together after living decades apart. We grew up in similar yet different households. We handled problems differently. We budgeted differently. We cleaned house differently. We are two people with different experiences who fell in love and decided to spend the rest of our lives together for better or worse, in sickness & in health, for richer or poorer, ’til death do us part. That ain’t easy. There’s a reason there are so many divorces for irreconcilable differences.

However, if you choose to be married, you must make the choice to communicate, talk about money, respect your spouse’s point of view, be humble when you’re wrong, be confident in yourself, remember to be an individual within the union, be a teammate, and shut up. Everyday you must make these commitments over and over again. It is easy to become frustrated and shut down. It is easy to become so wrapped up in your spouse that you lose yourself. It is easy to be petty and pissed off at something stupid. A failed marriage is easy; it’s the successful, long-lasting marriages that require work from both parties. The question is are you willing to do the work to get the results that you want?

~Selah

Frederic Köberl

About a week ago I hit a massive pothole less than two miles from my house. In over twenty years of driving, this is the first time that I have hit a pothole in this Michigan where immaculate roads only exist once you cross the border into Ohio.

Fortunately, I was able to pull into the parking lot of a church and wait for assistance. There was one other car in the lot; however, the residential street adjacent to the church was filled with cars. I didn’t notice the people waiting in the vehicles because I may have been pissed that the janky roads had decided to bestow upon me their blessing of a flat tire. While I waited, I scoped out the area to make sure there were no sketchy individuals lurking; there were none. The church security guard pulled up to check to see if I needed any assistance, and I told him I was waiting for AAA. He proceeded to exit the parking lot and drive around the block. Soon after, I saw him leading all of the cars that were parked on the side street into the church lot. They passed me and formed a line behind the patrol car. At first I thought it was a funeral procession, but there was not a hearse in sight. Then I wondered if it was a group of parents coming to enroll their children for the charter school housed on the premises or some sort of summer program the church was offering. But there were no children with them, and no one was parking or getting out of their vehicles. After the last car entered the lot, the security guard exited his car which was still at the front of the line as a way to keep everyone in order. He came to check on me again, and I asked him what was going on. He told me. All of the cars I saw were waiting for the food bank.

The food bank. Those words immediately put everything into perspective for me. I was grateful that I could call both AAA and the dealership for roadside assistance. However, I had been irritated that I had a flat tire. I had a flat tire in a car that takes me to the grocery store all the time where I pick out the fresh produce, seafood, poultry and snacks that I want. They were waiting in line to receive food that had been donated after those who were more fortunate cleaned out their pantry or grabbed a few extra cans of corn at the market. I had a flat tire in a car that takes me to Whole Foods, Aldi and any store in between. They were waiting in line to receive free food because they can’t afford the exorbitant prices of their local store or their aid is not enough to feed their families. I had a flat tire in a car that has a tire warranty to protect me from ridiculous out of pocket costs when I play Russian roulette on these roads. I had a flat tire in a car that takes me to various bars and restaurants when I please. A flat tire in a car that was taking me to a professional development that would not dock my pay because I was not there. A flat on a car with a tire warranty. A flat tire on the vehicle of a AAA member. A flat tire serving as a reminder of how truly blessed I am. A reminder that the lens with which I view the world may look like paradise to someone looking from a different angle.

Selah

The Truth About Marriage in Four Words

Perspective: It’s really half-full